2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
