i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
