I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
