My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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