Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
