I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Randomize
