remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Randomize
