Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
