I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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