The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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