i jhust puked up my retainher.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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