Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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