life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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