Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I just googled if crying burns calories
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Randomize
