We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
