i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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