One girl and one boy is just not enough.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
