Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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