Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
