The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
