never play flip cup with pint glasses
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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