the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
