My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize