Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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