Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
