i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
