Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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