I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
