I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
In America we eat man semen.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
