Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Randomize
