FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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