I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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