I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
