It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
