it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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