i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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