I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize