we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
