You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
