I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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