how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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