I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
