Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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