Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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