I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
