Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
You are the jesus of drinking
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
