i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
