WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize