The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize