i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
