u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize