he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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