Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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