dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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