Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
