dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
