Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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