if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Randomize
