Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
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