I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
