FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
