If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize