goodnight i made you a song goodbye
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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