these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
