her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Randomize
