i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
