Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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