not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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