your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
