I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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