very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
