hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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