We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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