1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
