I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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