I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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